Allowing Our Brothers to be the Men YHWH has Called Them to be!
Yes, I am going to write a post about us allowing our brothers to be the men Yahweh has called them to be! Why? Because I think this is sorely lacking, sisters, and I don’t think we even realize to what extent, we are hindering them and causing this very problem in not allowing them to be that man Yahweh has called and ordained them to be. And yes, I am pointing the finger at myself, too.
Having grown up with so many brothers has been such a joy in my life. I love my brothers. But lately, Yahweh has reminded me of something that I desperately need to work on, once again. When my older brothers were still living at home (or the older boys, not all of them were older, but being grown men, I guess I just think of them as being older), I had to learn this lesson. Thankfully, I once had a wonderful older lady gently correct me and tell me how wrong I had been. I had been visiting this family and had sat on the floor (okay, admit it girls, we love sitting on the floor!). I was quite comfortable and all the seats were filled, anyhow. Until… one of the young men in the room, quickly got up and offered me his seat. I, to my regret, turned him down and told him I was okay where I was. I will never forget the look on his face. I had no idea what I had just done that was so wrong! Wasn’t he glad he didn’t have to lose his seat? Boy, did I have a lot to learn. And I got to put into practice what that lady shared with me that day, with my other brothers. But sadly, with the gap in age in my brothers, I have gotten out of the practice of calling the man out in them. But back to the story!
To a girls way of thinking, I was comfortable and didn’t want him to have to give up his comfortable seat. I was used to sitting on the floor, I enjoyed sitting on the floor, and I certainly didn’t mind being where I was. But what did I do? I caused that young man, who had been taught by his wonderful mother how to be a gentleman, to not be that man Yahweh has called him to be…and yes, he was rightfully, appalled! They are supposed to be the protectors, the providers, the ones looking out for us. They are supposed to be the gentlemen and give up their comfortable seats, for us ladies. To stand when a lady entered the room. They are to open the doors for us. This is part of who Yahweh created them to be. They want to treasure us and treat us like queens or princesses!
But what happens when they are constantly turned down and refused? They are only going to risk that so many times…and girls, if they stop, it is only because we have stopped them!!! We have discouraged and not allowed them that privilege of showing us the honor of whom Yahweh had called us to be! It is like them going out to battle to protect us. This is all a part of manhood. And our job, as a lady and daughter of the King, is to do our part in welcoming them!
My brother has done wonders in helping me know my place. As he has grown into quite the young man Yahweh has called him to be, he has also started opening my car door, helping me over logs, down steep places, etc. If I fall, he’s there to lend me his hand. Sure, I’m sure I could figure out how to get up by myself. I can open my car door, too. I’ve been doing that for a long time. And when I don’t have a young man with me, I still do. But sisters, I’m afraid this is becoming a lost art…and it’s really none other than our own fault! When we bound out of the car on our own, how are they supposed to be able to open our door? Are we not basically telling them “I don’t need your help?” Are we any less to blame than the girl that says to the guy who opens the store door for her “I can get that, thank you very much!”?? Sure, we aren’t saying it in words, and I know we certainly don’t mean to, but isn’t that what we are doing when we don’t allow them to be the men Yahweh has called them to be?
I had the immense pleasure of traveling recently with my 18 year old brother. I just grin as I watch him bud into true manhood. It is a gift and a sight that I will never tire of! I loved watching the older boys bloom into adulthood and manhood, and I have thoroughly enjoyed watching him do the same. And I have to admit, makes a girl feel really special to see her brother get out and brave the cold, just to help her out of the car! Or watch as he gets out of the car, opens the house door, and comes back to open your door so that you don’t have to stand out in the cold while he goes to get the key to open the door! 🙂 But, there were a couple of times, that I had to catch myself, as my natural habit is to open my own door. Did I wait patiently every single time? I’m afraid sometimes I didn’t even think to! But as I watched him speed up to get my door, it reminded me to slow down.
And this is only one way I think we are hindering them in their relationships with Yahweh. Yahweh has also called them to lead. Yes, they are born leaders, but do we allow them that priveledge? Girls, this really breaks my heart. I don’t care how old your brothers are. We were never given this role. Sure, when they are too young to know right from wrong, we must instruct them. But I am watching this role never swap and that is what breaks my heart most of all. Girls, honor your brothers! Let them lead you! Let them guide you! You are the perfect training ground for them, and they are the perfect training ground for you, with learning submission! I once had a young lady tell me that she had submission down. As I spoke to her further, I realized she equated submission to obedience (*not obedience, agreement). This is NOT obedience, although it may include obedience. Submission though, is when you don’t agree, yet choose to submit and obey, regardless as to how you feel or think. Submission doesn’t even start until you disagree with something. But what better training ground do we have, than to hand the controls over to our amazing brothers, and have them make the decisions?
Something our family has always done, is when my father isn’t home to have someone lead us in prayers, it naturally falls on the oldest boy home. They can pray or they can do what my father does, and dictate who will. Either way, the leadership falls upon their shoulders at meal times. I like to take this one step further and try to apply this into different areas of our life, looking for opportunities for them to have that honor of leading us. They must learn this trait, just as we must learn how to follow.
Sisters, this brings me to another issue that I have witnessed numerous times. I have watched as sisters nagged their brothers to do something. When men say they will do something, since when are we supposed to nag them about it? It is no longer in our hands. We have passed the buck onto them. When you start complaining and nagging your brothers, you are preparing to do that very same thing, but instead of it being your brother, it will be your husband! Sisters, this is very dangerous ground you are treading upon. Do NOT nag! Our men have a LOT on their plates. They will get to it, when they can…albeit their schedules probably won’t look quite like ours. But that’s okay! I want to share with you a verses to try to bring this point a little bit closer to home. Look what Yahweh commands each of us to be.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33
Men are commanded to love us, for that is truly what we need and desire, is it not? But look at what Yahweh tells us as wives to be to our husbands. He tells us to see that we reverence our husbands! Let’s look at what reverence means. Reverenece means “to deeply respect someone or something”. But often times, to a man, respect and trust go hand in hand. If they are not trusted, they are not respected.
Now let me put this scenario in a different light that maybe you would be able to understand. When we don’t trust them to do something that they said they would and refuse to drop something, are we not disrespecting them? Are we not doing the opposite that Yahweh told us to do? And yes, I realize that I our brothers are not our husbands. But dear precious sisters, one day you will marry, Yahweh willing, a brother. Maybe not your physical brother (obviously), but your spiritual one. If we do not start here at home, learning these traits, I dare say you will never do them when you are married (atleast not at ground zero!)! We must learn how to be the lady Yahweh has called us to be, by also learning to allow the men to be who Yahweh has called them to be…NOW! Don’t wait. Give them the respect that they rightly deserve. That is our duty. That is our calling. Trust them above your ownself. Look for ways to gain wisdom from them. Look for ways to go to them and ask their advice (and heed it if you can!). Look for ways to allow them to bless and honor you. When they offer you their chair, take it with gratefulness in your heart that they are being a true gentleman and let them know how much you appreciate that and them, too!!
Girls, call out the Kings, the Priests, and the Knights out of your brothers! And be the princesses and queens that will one day, Yahweh willing, be blessed by one of those very Kings!