Questions to ask a future spouse

I know that a lot of you as you enter courtship may have some questions concerning the person that you are seeing or praying about marrying.  Our family decided to put together some questions a few years ago that we thought would help each of us get to know the other person, better. We have found these questions to be a real blessing to all of those involved, and so I now pass them on to you in hopes that they will bless you all, too! 🙂 These questions can be either used on the onslaught, or just as conversational starters throughout the courtship phase. Please feel free to change and alter them to meet your individual needs and desires. They are here to be used and to, Yahweh willing, bless you. So enjoy!

3/5/2014 Recently our family updated the questionnaire, so I thought I would share it with y’all. 🙂 Enjoy!

Updated Questionnaire

Here is another set of questions that Genevieve de Duegd posted up on Issacharian Daughters.

8 Responses to Questions to ask a future spouse

  1. Atarah :) says:

    Hello Samantha!
    Just peeping in. Some good stuff here. Thanks for my source of encouragement today. Yahueh bless you always!!!!

  2. Ashleigh says:

    Oohh! I must use this with my future daughters spouses! Thanks so much!

    • Samantha Samantha says:

      Your welcome, Ashleigh! I know it has truly been a huge blessing in our family and the children who have used it, have really been blessed by it! But even those who haven’t been married (myself included) who fill it out each year for my own personal use, have been blessed by it!
      Something that my father has done in the past, is he ask each of us (males and females a like) to fill it out ahead of time…even before there is questions about another being interested. Then when he does get a questionnaire in, my precious mama and him can pray over it and make sure there isn’t major differences or issues, can ask more questions if need be, before he brings it to our attention. He does ask us before hand to make sure ours is up to date. But then if we still feel this is what Yahweh is leading us to do, he sends ours to the mans family to go over and pray over. When the parents all feel peace about it, the couple then swaps theirs (he gets hers, she gets his). They pray about it, and if they agree this is Yahweh’s will, it moves forward into a courtship, where the million questions (as we often describe it) is asked. This is when the couple really seeks Yahweh’s will for their lives concerning the other one, and gets to know each other. If they still want to move forward, it moves onto the betrothal period. This is when vows are exchanged and where permission is granted for them to learn to love each other, while preparing for their wedding feast. But it really gives the couple a good starting point on where the other stands on things, ideas to talk about, and basically a starting point to bounce off of. But it also protects hearts, too, as you pretty much know at this point whether or not a relationship will work or not. It’s not a guarantee, but so far in our own family, if the questionnaires are exchanged and a relationship starts, then it ends up being a blessed relationship, with marriage being the end results or should I say the “beginning” of a lifetime together. 🙂

  3. Tonya says:

    Interesting post, having grown up in a much more liberal Christian family it was interesting to read about other ways finding a spouse can be approached. I’m just wondering with such a detailed questionnaire is it possible that you are weeding out many good men who you could be happy and compatible with? My husband and I don’t agree on every single little thing, but we’ve been together for thirteen years. Sometimes having differences allows for personal growth. He learned to love camping from me, I learned to love watching local high school football games from him. The big “MUST” in marriage is learning how to be happy with someone faults, eccentricities, personality quirks and all. You have to find the balance between becoming one as a couple and staying true to yourself. Neither one of you should be required to change everything about yourself for the other, but you should be willing to make compromises for each other. Finding someone who is going to agree with you on every little thing is unrealistic. if your marriage can’t survive minor conflict like what temperature to keep the thermostat set at if one of you is hot natured and the other cold natured, and the only solution you can see is one person getting their way and the other being miserable then you shouldn’t marry. Either, you don’t possess the skills to compromise, or you don’t possess the skills to make sure that you being treated with kindness and consideration.

    • Samantha Samantha says:

      Dear Tonya,

      I think you totally misunderstood the point with the questionnaire. This is just a tool to get to know one another better and see if you are compatible. There are certain beliefs/thoughts that one must be in agreement with, while others, are simply preferences in which you can certainly work out and compromise. By no means do we expect someone to agree with us 100%. I don’t believe any two people ever will. The point with the questionnaire is to 1) figure out if you are compatible and 2) to get to know each other without getting your emotions involved. This has personally been a huge blessing in my own life (where we were able to learn things about someone that we didn’t realize and so were able to not enter a relationship in which I would have had to back out of) and my siblings lives, who have had beautiful marriages and who were SO thankful for having had done the questionnaire. It gave them such a jump-start in their relationships. It gave them points in which to discuss, figure out in a large way where the person was going in life and what they thought about different things, and so so much more! They realized that no two people will agree, but that wasn’t and isn’t that point of the questionnaire. But I think everyone will agree, there are points in which one must agree with the other on, and this is a safe way to make sure that you do agree on those major points. But it’s also done in a fun way. Sure, like the temperature of a house, is something small, it is still nice to know what the other one prefers. 🙂 But please do not think this is a “you agree or else” type of document. We have had married couples fill out the questionnaire as it makes them think about what they do believe about something or think about something, and gives them ideas for conversations and studying. I personally try to fill it out each year, not because I am in a relationship, but simply for my own personal growth. It helps me think things through, study up on something that I’m unsure about, and really just to show me how much I’ve grown over the past year and where Yahweh has changed my thinking in.
      Hope this helps,

  4. Ashleigh says:

    Do you mind if I share this on my blog?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *